freakoutcuzimhere

i want to change the world, but the world won't listen..

2005-12-09T19:13:00.000+08:00

i have always been ignored by those whom i love so much, so dearly. up until now, they refuse to see the apparent about the damage that they have done.. it's not like i want to change the world, eventhough i would love to,.. it's just that i cannot live with such vague of guilt in people... i hate them sometimes, but what am i to do with those who doesn't care about what i think right? am i saying this because this is what i really feel? or am i getting something out of this? i don't know, we'll soon find out...:P~ muack!!!

30th November 2005... the Depression

2005-11-30T13:09:00.000+08:00

Sugar Ray - Fly

Provided by VideoCodes4U.com

i want to not worry anymore.. i want to not feel lonely anymore.. i want to be strong again.. i don't want to endure pain.. i don't want to grieve.. i want my family back.. i want my lost friends back.. i want my lovely childhood back.. i want them together.. i need serenity... am i paranoid?!!

Garbage - I Think I'm Paranoid

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2005-11-25T09:23:00.000+08:00

freakynadyadrivesumad Highway

County Jail	7
Bankruptcity	19
Wealthville	50
Bewilderment Avenue	134
Bog of Eternal Marriage	314
Please Drive Carefully

i'm blind

2005-10-26T12:56:00.000+08:00

i'm blind. i wish i could see that i am just another selfish and cruel person who will never understand the meaning of just. i should probably just get away and get over this whole havoc surrounding me as soon as possible. i'm nothing more than a horrible person with no feelings. i talk trash and i can never be in good terms with anyone. i'm so sorry that he hates me so much now. but what am i to do? it was my fault that i got into this.. i hate it when i do this.

HaTe MaTe

2005-09-28T22:50:00.000+08:00

o why is it me that you despise?
why am i the one surprised?
i have never tried to hurt you
nor have i ever had the thought
how is it that you see me through;
as a person who'd ever hurt you not?
i wanted to be in there
despite me being different
i thought that you would care
but now i do not dare
to be involved with any friends
because someone sould stare
why must there be hate?
i'm in my most ill state
because you lied about me then
how could you be a friend?
i thought highly of you
you told to them all the untrue
and now i'm lost to you
as in a court you'll grin to me
you've won without a thought
why is it there?
this feeling of despair?
i know i shouldn't care, o there,
there the deep despair
i hope that GOD forgive me
if i were to did HIM wrong
i hope that you'd forgive me
though my wrong, i did not long
to do to you, why you?
think again, my "friend"
if you would still
accept this will
i have to be straight
i don't want regret
so how do you want it?
-freakoutcuzimhere-

look at yourself

2005-09-22T12:55:00.001+08:00

look at yourself before you judge others. you menace your life and affect others too. how can you say you are right, when the truth is that you are wrong.how can you just turn the table. scroundelling with other people's mind and not apologising for what you have done.grow up, old man. grow up. dont you blame me, 'cause i just care.i AM growing, so leave me alone. you cannot even make other people happy, but i can; you cannot make the best out of the smallest or the worst but i can.leave with it idiot, you have preached once... keep all your preaching, and take it all back! apply it to yourself!

if there is one thing i could do rite now..

2005-09-08T15:41:00.000+08:00

if there is one thing that i could right now, i'd sleep! but too bad i'm honest, i do not want to misuse my power...cheh...i'm so fat yet i'm still tired,...wish i could use all the evergy i have for exercising at th gymm..erkk...fatty me..

i want to go home

2005-08-28T21:17:00.000+08:00

i want to go home
i want to be alone
i need to be back
i'm now full of lack
my eyes are damn tired
of what i had seen
my heart it is aching
from that foolish sting

love is that foolish sting
for all the heavy tears it brings
with nothing that i'd ever think
boy, i think you stink!

all i wanted him to know

2005-08-24T19:28:00.000+08:00

If only he could read my mind. If only I do not have to explain. If only he knew.
It hurts me so deeply seeing him going further away from me. But he will never understand.
All I wanted him to know is that I have always wanted him to be there when I really needed him. I needed him through the smallest and greatest events in my life. I needed him to be there when I wanted support. I wanted him to know that I have always wanted to be there for him through all his pain and sorrow. But he had never yet got it. The signs I have been showing to him all this while. He will never get it.. I somehow feel so deprived...

no one wants you; no one needs you

2005-08-16T19:16:00.000+08:00

nobody needs me, nobody wants me... and i don't care! :) i am a very happy girl with a great life because i don't have to live with lies and fantasies where people are actually fake and deceitful. i am not naive! i am alive...

gasping for grasps...

2005-08-13T13:39:00.000+08:00

Yielding for the next
Seizing ownself for another day
Could this for the best?
or would the only thought of having the best kills?
For this we are to find out
of whether or not we'd survive
Jealousy's stopping its hatred
Switching sides to obvious the pleasant
I'm not trying to please you
I'm just running away
I'm keeping my distance,
from what I'm afraid I'd regret
because O, fellow mates
I am just gasping for grasps...

you are an idiot! (yes i am)

2005-08-09T16:49:00.000+08:00

i am so angry again today... without any idea why... stupid right?

unfaithful

2005-08-08T12:24:00.000+08:00

if there is such mutual understanding between human, war would be much near to impossible! if compromise runs the world today, probably there'd be no anger and pain in all of us...

but i guess that's just how we live... in this life of unpredictable consequences, we are yet to find..

and there lies that feeling... set in deep vulnerability of human emotions...

disloyalty, driven by the anger from deep beneath any homo sapien, including yourself... as betrayal takes over the once trusted heart that was pure and naive, which all of a sudden, forcing her to the urge of taking the misleading path to... disloyalty...

... and now that she's unfaithful...
... as she had found that you're gone...

i am lame

2005-08-07T18:47:00.000+08:00

i am lame. i can never be more lame than any lame lamo ever!

What is it that you're trying to prove?

2005-08-06T22:05:00.000+08:00

WHAT IS IT THAT I'M TRYING TO PROVE?
i'm still online, right now, and i don't know why. maybe i'm trying to prove something to someone. now, that is lame. i don't want to be GAI!
i feel like a loser having to know that i'm keeping this red hot anger inside of me.. why wouldn't i? i'm always last in the list!!! i'm not trying to nag or what, but it's already a fact. an obvious, crystal clear fact! i'm just a loser...

because it's red

2005-08-06T21:19:00.000+08:00

13 ways to win a gal
1. Hugs from behind.
2. Grab her hand when you guys walk next to each other.
3. When standing, wrap your arms around her.
4. Cuddle with her.
5. Dont force her to do anything.
6. Write little notes.
7. Compliment her Honestly.
8. When you hug her, hold her in your arms as long as possible.
9. Say I love you.....and mean it.
10. Pick her over ur friends.. no matter what. even if your friends call u pussy whipped
11. comfort her when she cries.
12. love her with all your heart.
13.Pick her up and flirt with her (she'll scream and say put me down but really shes loves it).

i just got this from friendster's bulletin board..a friend of mine disagreed with it..guys..they'll never give enough chance to pull over and look through on female's sensitivity, while when they are in need of attention or ego boosts, they'd DEMAND for it or sometimes even argue for it...can you believe that? well, i do.. it hurts, and i've explained this to 'someone' before, but he had not yet programme it in his brain. too bad!

unRIGHT

2005-08-01T12:31:00.000+08:00

tongues are tied
eyes are met
heart is shut
from what is right
glued to the past
to whatever was
later now
you would know it lasts
indeed
maybe then
when things would change
probably somehow things would end
this hollow mind
is driving sanity
into something
more like cavity
o the mind it ruins reality
and the heart would fake personality..

you cannot see me, i am invisible

2005-07-21T23:51:00.000+08:00

i saw you crying
but you didn't see me
i knew you were lying
but you couldn't predict me
so, i let you fly
and i said goodbye
alas, my heart still aches for you
and now, i reminisce my love was after all true...

what did i do? what have i done?

2005-07-21T17:06:00.001+08:00

what did i do;
that i'm not with you?
why am here,
when you're not even near?
why did i shout,
something we knew about?
when can we stop,
making things hard enough?
how can i put you down?
why am i here with this frown?

Love me now, Love me never

2005-07-20T20:42:00.000+08:00

tell me that it's over
and that you're still my lover
tell me that you love me
and this is how you want to be...

tell me that i'm right
admit it when i'm wrong
don't you let me go, now
only you can make me strong...

baby, when i stare
you know that i do care
we do make one bad pair
without you i'd feel despair...

love me, honey
love me not
you are all i wanted
but i am just like snot!

that girl who gives you all you want
that girl she gives you all you need
i know that now i sound so blunt
but i have cut myself so deep, it bleeds...

it bleeds, i am screaming now;
it cuts my soul
my faith has gone
my life had turned to cold

ruthless, i am
lonely, i feel
but you, a man
you will never understand
you won't...
i love you
i've been true
and now, it's all up to you
decide
because i can't navigate...